and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
