He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
