My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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