woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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