My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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