All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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