fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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