ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
