I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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