Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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