Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
