just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
