come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
