Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my being single is dangerous.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
