yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
