Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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