This is not my ceiling
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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