another moral hangover. fuck.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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