My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
