Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
