the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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