apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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