3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
