from now on my penis is your penis
We named our party play list daddy issues
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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