omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
