we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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