I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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