I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
