1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Fuck appropriateness.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
