I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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