You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
