thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
