I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
