If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize