I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
