6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
