I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
