so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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