Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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