I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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