my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
