1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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