I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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