Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Fuck appropriateness.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
