pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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