can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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