Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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