you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
