She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
