U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
