The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize