It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
