I got chris browned last night
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
