No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
