Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
