You just made me feel so damn special
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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