May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
