every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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