why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
