You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
