Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
