yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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