I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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