We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
