fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
