all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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