i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
