It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
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Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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