from now on my penis is your penis
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
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We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.