youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
