Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

from now on my penis is your penis

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(970): View more from Colorado

she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.

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(224): View more from Illinois

woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(718): View more from New York

Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?

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(907): View more from Alaska

I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.

(907): View more from Alaska

I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.

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(206): View more from Washington

The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.

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