I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
