i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
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Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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I fill condoms, not promises.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.