I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?