I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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