Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
