just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
