so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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