you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
