proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
