Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize