I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
