You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
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If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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