Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
