i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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