there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
