We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
