I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
