Non-Jews are for practice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
