Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
and she was petting her beer can
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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