is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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