There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
