Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
