matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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